Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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