Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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