I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
