Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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