I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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