Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
