okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
