matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
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