I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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