Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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