I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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