omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
