I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
