I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
