Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
