i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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