Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
