Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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