Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
