I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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