i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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