They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
