I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
