why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
