Yo dont text me then not text me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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