somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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