remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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