he thought i was a dude.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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