at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
