lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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