I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
