Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
