Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
