what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
