The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
