break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize