my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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