I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
