I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
