Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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