I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
