Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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