Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
