All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
