i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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