My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
