Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Two words: blizzard sex
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A+ Viking dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
