so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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