Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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