I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
