I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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