i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
