upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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