I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let's get the cat blown out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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