i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
