pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
