At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
