Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
