I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
