i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
