last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize