It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
