Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
