mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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