WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
