I am in a vortex of obligation.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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