weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
