how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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