Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
