dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
