Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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