My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
